Today was the first day of my reboot and I have to admit, right now I'm not in the mood for writing, I'm exhausted. I was falling asleep moments ago but I must keep my promise I made to myself and post everyday with the truth.
I lay wide awake at half four this morning, contemplating how hard this was going to be. This was then followed by a stream of nightmares about weird cat men and my house being burnt down. I think I was feeling just a little bit nervous about today. It didn't get off to a good start as I wasn't really prepared food wise so I had to swap my breakfast for my mid morning snack which was apple and carrot juice - it was surprisingly tasty. So, once we had got some food in, I could finally eat breakfast which was a number of hours later. So, I felt a bit off.
Before this though was the toughest part of all. I hadn't weighed myself in months and I was pretty sure I was in a poor state but when I got on the scales I was so shocked. It was worse than I had imagined. I feel so ashamed and terrible. My ideal body weight for someone my sex, height and shape is 9.5 stone (about 60 kg). Today, when I stepped onto the scales, I weighed at a ghastly 12.5 stone (78.9 kg). I felt so awful. I flumped onto the sofa and just stared. I can't believe I've let this happen. It's as though I've played a hideous prank on myself. But, the whole point of this thing is to change! But, I have to admit if I don't lose any weight or feel any better I don't know what I will do!
The juices and breakfast were delicious, I had baked apple and berries. So, I felt like I was going places with this thing. Then, came lunch. Salad and sweet potato and carrot "fries." The dressing made the salad more bearable and I was enjoying it to start with. Until, my somewhat slimmer than me boyfriend, sat down in front of me with a dressed up version of my meal. Covered in cheese and sauce with his chips. The temptation was huge but I resisted and made myself enjoy what was on my plate.
For some reason after lunch I began to feel appalling. I felt drained and kind of moody. Everything was getting on my nerves. I began to make dinner and it had lots of KALE in it. (It's a super food and I gotta admit I'm no fan of its taste but I probably should become a fan of its health benefits I guess.) The leaves we're falling off everywhere. I kept knocking stuff off of the counter and things were just really getting to me. Then I ate this "salad" and I could barely chew it. It tasted so bland and my jaw hurt from the herbivore actions I was recreating. With the smell of meat, dairy and carbohydrates in the background I just wanted to cry - don't judge me until you try doing it. Then I realised I hadn't put any dressing on and believe me once it was on there it was heaven compared to what I was eating before. It took me about forty minutes to chomp through that plate of salad. I'm feeling pretty cranky and ready to collapse with a headache and a nice cup of herbal tea to look forward to.
So, all in all, a very challenging first day. Bring on number 2!
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